Raising a child with a minimum restraints.

A child needs a maximum space and freedom to express himself, which bolsters his confidence, and makes him a healthy child in every way. Too much pressure and restrictions will make him weak. He’ll falter at every step. This is not the time for discipline yet. Nurture the seed first, to make a stronger plant. He is new to the world. Let him grow first and enjoy his childhood. You enjoyed your’s, let him enjoy theirs. Dont be in a hurry to turn him into another miserable adult, like so many out there. There is a scarcity of joyful beings on the planet. So, atleast let the child stay as one.
When i look at a child, i just see them as another person, who is new to the world, and yet to grow. Thats all. I see them as a flower bud, and i want to see it blossom into a full grown flower, in its fullest expression, without any restraint. I dont want them to go through the restraints that we all did.
The various religions says, treat others the way you like to be treated. This sums up my simple philosophical approach on child raising.
How do we feel when someone, whether its family or anyone, tries to put a restraint on us, by saying, dont do it or that we are not good enough for it?
We feel deeply hurt as it hurts our self esteem and lowers our confidence. Therefore, when we dont like any restraints on us, then how would others feel, especially a child, when we put restraints on them.
This is it. Treat others the way you like to be treated. Put yourself in the shoes of the others, to feel their sorrow and pain, to empathise. Put yourself in the shoes of the child to feel their pain.
Think of child like any other being, not a property or possession. So, treat them like you would like to be treated by others, with respect and honour. Their only fault is that they cannot voice their pain, except cry. And also that, they are new to the world, and not know what is right and wrong.
A child should be raised with a minimum restraint.
The child raising project should be child centric. Thats obvious. So, even if guests come over, a child should not be restrained. The ego should come later. The priority should be on the child, all the time, ‘cos his actions do not yet have the evils of malice and hate. If he creates some nuisances, he is still innocent, and the guests should be mature enough to understand how a child behaves.
There should be some tolerance to the antics of the child. Give him space and freedom to explore and express himself. Only interfere when his safety is at risk.
Teaching a etiquette should be kept to a minimum. A child is too small to understand the ways of the world, and is unnecessary. He shouldnt be concerned about society stuffs. He is just come to the world. Let him loose and be carefree. Let the child express himself to the fullest. Let the child enjoy his childhood. Dont take away these precious moments from him. Those maybe the only pleasant ones left after growing up. Let him have some good, carefree memories.
My dream is to see that no child is conditioned with any kind of beliefs. I want them to see the world through their own natural intelligence, and let them decide everything, without any contamination of conditioning. Our natural intelligence has this much capability.
A child will naturally have many questions. Answer them to the best of your capability. If you dont know, then admit that you dont know. As my guru says, there is a great wisdom in I do not know. All seeking arises from there, as our mind will naturally not rest till we find the right answer. Dont shape them with beliefs. If they didnt work for you, it will most probably not work for your children.
This dream of mine is also a contribution towards world peace. When there will be no beliefs system, there will no conflicts, resulting in peace. People will seek, not believe.
A child is delicate like a flower. Putting any restraints on them dont look appropriate and hampers their growth. They are not a pet to be leashed.
But it doesnt mean spoiling them or letting them climb on top of your head. Just see that they do not cross any line, but try to set minimum line. See that they maintain their innocence.

Only interfere when the contamination starts seeping in as they grow up.
A practical way to deal with a child.

We all know that children are good observer, which makes them a good imitator. It means that they can also observe your pain and sadness if you can interact fully and openly with them. A child also has a common sense, and he should stop repeating any actions which hurts your feelings. A sensible child will not cause a repeated pain like some maniac. Their innocence will be their virtue.
Non cooperation is the best way to deal with the child, without the use of violence, like gandhi.
I’m only showing the way without the need for threats or violence, which has unfortunately become a common practice. But it wont still be easy. You’ve to set aside your ego, and be on level terms with a child. Let him see you as just another being that he can relate to. A sincerety is needed for such honest relationship.
All these measures are idyllic and may not be considered. In the economy of the never ending trap and grinding of survival mode, many parents may not have time to consider all these suggestions, and that also from someone with no experience of parenthood. Maybe, somethings are best observed from the distance.
Whatever action you may take, the brunt will be felt by the child. They do not have the capacity to fend off for themselves yet.
Be a friend to them, not a threat. Authoritarian approach never works. They are used for supression, not for building bridges.

A child needs a friend, not a boss.
It is not my intention to judge anybody or show my superiority. It is just a natural response to the consequence of the ignorant action of the parents, which i think will have on the child and his delicate psychology, which will affect his whole life.
I’m only thinking of the child’s welfare, just like any parents would do, and i’m writing with only the children in mind, as to how to keep alive their joy and exuberance, and see that those qualities are not suppressed in ignorance.
I can relate to a child as I’m a child myself.
Posted below are photos of sadhguru with quotes. They can be found on his facebook page.

 

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