Life. What and how? A way to the flowering of the child.

What does a life want? It wants to live.
How does a life want to live? It wants to live to its fullest expression, like flowers.

I’m writing on how to raise a child, despite having no children of my own or real experience of going through the parenthood. I havent been through the stress of sleepless nights that comes with newborn baby. So, my writing may just be an easy talk, but i still wanted to share my views. My apology if anyone feels offended.

My writing is based on my observations of other parents dealing with their children, and my feelings on their interaction. I felt i could sense the hurt faced by children. Sadhguru’s talk on raising a child is also a big influence in my writing.

I’ve realised that happiness isn’t necessarily the right answer and it could be misinterpreted. A person maybe happy on the surface, but is he living to the full? Many people philosophise their way to happiness to play safe. Nobody is living to his full potential.

Everything in nature is presenting themselves in its fullest form, which can also be deemed orgasmic. Sun gives us heat and light. What happens if sun feels moody and decides to cut down on its energy and function only at fifty percent, like humans? Thankfully they dont. They are just on.

When everything else in nature doesnt hold back on any of its potential, then why do we humans do so? Why are children told to be sushed, if they get too excited. Why are parents unknowingly in a hurry to make an adult out of children?

We all know how joyful grown ups are. So, why snuff out the joy of a child? Let the child be. The happiness of child is more important than the small disturbance caused to others. Little bit of chaos is good, to make us feel alive. Too much mechanical makes us robots or on autopilot mode, like in west. Some balance is good.

But the good thing about the west is the stability in the system, and the availability of all the basic needs like water and electricity, which is scarce in many parts of the world. Nepal is a mess, with daily power outage.

While growing up, we get conditioned in many ways, like culture and religion, which are the cause of miseries. We get identified with so many roles, and struggle to fulfill all those roles and expectations. Too much conditioning.

The conditioning makes division between us and them, and we fail to see that we all are one, not separate. The moment you idenitify with something, you have caused a division and the potential for conflicts starts brewing, as you see people as either on your side or the other side.

Spirituality is all about deconditioning, to see who you really are, ‘cos the natural intelligence in us has the ability to show us the right path. Therefore, children can be a great start and an easier process ‘cos they arent conditioned yet, hence they are more joyful.

Just let them be, and their natural intelligence will flower on its own. Dont impose anything on them, like our religious beliefs. Dont mould them or shape them. Guide them where necessary, but dont interfere much or give orders in stern voice. They are not pets. Dont sow negativity traits in them, which you will regret later. Children observes the parents and imitates their behaviour, and it gets ingrained in them. They have just entered the world, so give them some break.

The human nature is such that our mind is full of thoughts that are denied to us. Look at the suppressed sexuality of indian society, which makes the men lustful all the time. A women in delhi just cant walk alone, even in daytime. Men will denude her with their wicked stares, and aggressive ones will cross the line.

Same with kids. If you tell them dont do something, they will do just that. Most choose to punish them for disobedience, which has negative impact on their psychology. You can adopt a gentler approach, by explaining them the consequences of their actions.

There is no fixed approach to anything. That would become rigid. If you develop sensitivity and awareness, you will know what would be the right thing to do at that particular time. We can be wrong sometimes, but we learn from it, just like kids will also do, as part of growing up.

Raising is child is a minimum 20 year project, as told by sadhguru. So, its a long project. Its not easy to raise a child, so the role comes with many responsibilties, and one needs to be well prepared.

Its not necessary to have children if you dont desire or are not ready. If you are not a good parent material or dont think so, then you might ruin someone’s life. There are news about crazy parents killing their own children, female infanticide or honour killings.

A life chose to come through you. It doesnt mean you own them. No life is a property of anyone. A life needs to be handled with care. Your children represents the next generation and your proper upbringing determines whether they contribute to it, or breaks it.

So, some balance is needed in parents themselves, if they want the project to be successful. It would be nice for the child to have more secure environment emotionally, not just financially.

I wish to see each child blossom to their full potential, outgrowing the previous generation, and making the world an even better place, beyond our imagination.

This post is dedicated to my two nephews, Khyentse and Shenphen, born last year and to all the children. I’ll try to be the best uncle to them.

A child is yours, but he/she is not to be possessed. It is just life. Sadhguru.

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